Up until this week I don’t recall ever hearing the name Kate Spade. And then a couple of days ago she blew up my Facebook timeline. Apparently she was a fashion designer of some renown, and she chose to end her life this week. Then, today, I learned of the suicide of Anthony Bourdain, who I definitely had heard of. Celebrity suicides do have the effect of making one ponder: What would drive someone who is appearing to live the dream and has everything to live for to end it all? Of course that question is unanswerable, as we can’t get into another person’s head, particularly when they’re not around anymore to ask any questions. While I haven’t seen any statistics, based on what I’ve been witnessing I have a strong inkling that the suicide rate is on the rise. Now, I have often said that suicide is nothing more than a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have also said that it is the ultimate selfish act. Everybody has to deal with the consequences except, of course, you. But I can’t judge anyone who chooses to take that route. How can I? How can I when I, myself, am a suicide survivor?
You know, even writing those words still sets off some alarm bells of shame in my head. That is what we have done with the discusssion of suicide in today’s society. We don’t talk about it. We ignore it, avoid it, stuff it way down deep. As a result, those of us who have walked in the valley of the shadow of death hardly ever bring it up because it’s a taboo subject. I think it’s time we started talking about it.
The details of my particular story—what led to it, my ultimate decision to not go through with it and summon help before it was too late, etc.—aren’t really important to this discussion. It happened in 2007, after which I went through a brief period of hospitalization. It took me a long time but I was able to climb out of the valley. I’ve had some periods of slipping back over the years, but for the most part I’ve had steady progress. Make no mistake, I have rotten days from time to time, just like anyone else. But the good far outweighs the bad, and I don’t regret for one second my decision to choose life.
And that’s the advice I’d give anyone who finds themselves staring into that deep dark place. Choose life. No matter how messed up things might seem, no matter how hopeless you might feel, there is hope. Even if you don’t feel any of it, hope is there. Reach out. Talk to someone. Nobody knows better than me how alone those feelings can make you feel, but you are not alone. Give your friends the chance to be true friends to you. If nothing else, call the suicide prevention hotline, 800-273-8255. They can hook you up with local resources that can help you get started on those first tentative steps out of the valley. My wife has a saying: As long as you are breathing there is hope.
I’m not saying any of this will be easy. You might have to face some pretty tough things and have some very hard conversations. But I assure you, it’s worth it. Life is a precious gift, and it’s meant to be lived. As I said, I don’t regret my decision to choose life. I hope and pray more people choose to Do the same.
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