Category: personal updates

Today was happy birthday to me. I now start my 58th trip around the Sun. 21183 days now behind me. I’m fairly sure I don’t have that many days left to me. I can remember a time when I thought people who were approaching 60 were pretty darn old. Well, Kevin, welcome to pretty darn old.

So, all things considered, how am I doing? As Facebook has been known to say, it’s complicated. In some ways, things have never been better. My work on the Crisis Text Line has helped me to begin to develop a new perspective on things in general. I don’t feel like I’m just a lump taking up space anymore. I’m beginning to believe, for the first time in a long while, that I have talents and abilities worth sharing, and that it just might be possible to not just constantly tread water and just survive, but actually to thrive. I have begun to entertain thoughts about my future that have lain dormant inside of me for longer than I care to think about. I’m back in the office fulltime after a more or less constant absence that lasted, according to certain things I’ve seen, for over 5 years. I’m reading a bunch and, more important, I’m writing again. If you take a look at this very blog, you’ll see evidence of that. It feels so good to stretch my brain like that again. I really didn’t realize how much I missed writing. Next week, I’m attending a virtual writer’s conference that I’m going to squeeze everything out of that I can. I wouldn’t go as far as to say my future’s so bright I’ve got to wear shades at this point, but I’m at least looking forward more or less positively, and that’s an immense change.

Now, with all that being said, there are certain parts of my life that aren’t so great. Unfortunately, much of what isn’t great is more or less out of my control to affect. I have done, and will continue to do, what I can to make things better, but I can’t make things happen all by myself. I think it’s time for me to reach the acceptance step in the Seven Stages of Grief, continuing to do whateverI can, but at the same time not letting negative outcomes sap all the positivity away. I apologize for being somewhat cryptic, but these issues involve other people besides me, so I don’t feel free to give details. Needless to say, though, positive thoughts/prayers/vibes are welcome.

I’d say that overall the state of me is as good as it could be. I still have my blue periods, and I probably always will. But I’m now moving, albeit slowly, in a forward, positive direction. I hope to keep up the positive momentum. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. No, I probably don’t have 21183 days ahead of me, but I can make the most out of the days I do have. And you know what? Despite the fact that my body has a bit more creak in it, I’m really not that darn old. There’s still a lot of life worth living out there,, and I intend to live it all.

Actually this missive will have nothing to do with mothers. Julia Sweeney, an SNL alum who I remember working at the Fox Theater in Spokane when I was a teenager, wrote a book with that title, and I loved it so much I always say that instead of if it’s not one thing it’s another. Anyway, that’s how today went. I didn’t get a bloody thing done that I wanted to. Between plumbing issues, requiring our handyman to go in and out of the house multiple times, along with making loud electric toolish noises that scared the cats, grocery delivery, all of which happening at the same time, I didn’t handle things very well. I have issues with chaos and pandemonium. So I did what I felt I had to do. I went to lay down and had a big old nap. I’m happy to report that it did help. But nothing concrete got accomplished. Well, okay, I did make a pretty darn yummy meat loaf, and I’m writing this blog post, so I suppose I can put those two things in the plus column. I have committed to writing in this blog at least three times a week. There is, of course, a part of my brain that’s saying oh sure, we’ll see how long that lasts. We’ve been here before. But I’m feeling different about it this time. For one thing, I don’t always have to be profound. I won’t always have political and/or cultural takes. Sometimes my posts will be like this one, more personal in nature. And you know what? That’s okay. I already know I’m not going to get millions of views (heck, I’d be happy with dozens), so I think I can consider this my personal writing space. If you’re reading this, thanks for joining my flight of fancy. I hope you find something to enjoy along the way. Catch you all on Friday, if I can keep up the schedule.

We are now in the time of the hospital stay that’s kind of stressful. Not that it’s a bed of roses in the best of circumstances, but there are things that raise stress levels more, particularly toward the end of the stay.

The fact is, I could probably go home right now. I’m feeling pretty good, my breathing is much better, and while I’m still coughing fairly frequently it isn’t as deep. So if I was sent home with medication and continued my aggressive regimen of breathing treatments there’s no reason why I couldn’t continue to improve in my home environment just as much, if not more, than here. But, as always, there is a catch. My oxygen levels are lower than what the doctors would like to see. In the grand scheme of things, it’s probably not a big deal at all, only a point or two below what they’d like to see. But my doctors are very conservative, and so they’re watching this closely. Best case scenario, I’ll be out of here tomorrow, and both Sarah and I will do whatever we can to make that happen. It’s time to go home to start the true healing process.

Since I have some at least temporary freedom from my IV drips, I figured I would try and give you all at least an abbreviated report of what has happened over the past few days. It certainly fits into the life is what happens while you’re making other plans department.

Okay, I should probably begin with last week, when I started feeling like I was coming down with something. Last Wednesday it hit me in full force. I assumed I had the full-blown crud. My temperature peaked at 100.9 Thursday night, and Sarah and I agreed that if it was still up Friday morning we’d be heading off to the doctor. Luckily (I thought), my fever broke overnight, and I was actually feeling significantly better on Friday. So I figured I had dodged the doctor bullet. In the meantime, Sarah started feeling rather puny on Saturday, and Sunday she was worse. I still felt reasonably okay, good enough to put together my extremely yummy meat loaf Sunday night. During all this time, Sarah was telling me my breathing wasn’t sounding right. I didn’t outwardly notice anything, so I continued on as usual. Sarah decided it would be a good idea for both of us to go to the doctor Monday morning. I went along, kicking and screaming, because even though my chest was still congested I thought I could just ride it out. So off we went. It turns out Sarah has strep. The doctor gave me a breathing treatment in her office, and it was then that my blood oxygen levels took a precipitous swan dive. That, along with my utterly horrendous peak flow levels, earned me a ticket into the hospital.

That’s the very short version. Some things have happened subsequent to me being here that I really shouldn’t write about in a public forum, but suffice to say none of it was conducive to rest and recuperation. Things are on the upswing, though. I have a nice big room to myself, it’s reasonably quiet, and I can get whatever rest I can in this environment. It turns out I have full blown pneumonia, so I’ll be here for at least the next few days while they whip me back into shape. I don’t have much energy, and probably won’t for a while, so there’s a good chance you won’t be hearing a lot from me for at least the next week or so. Once I’m back in the saddle again, so to speak, I’ll expound more on this journey. One thing I have learned beyond all doubt at this point. Sarah is almost always right, and while I can’t promise to not kick and scream in the future I will always acquiesce if she feels a trip to the doctor is warranted.