Kevin LaRose

Category: mental health

  • Choose Life

    Up until this week I don’t recall ever hearing the name Kate Spade. And then a couple of days ago she blew up my Facebook timeline. Apparently she was a fashion designer of some renown, and she chose to end her life this week. Then, today, I learned of the suicide of Anthony Bourdain, who I definitely had heard of. Celebrity suicides do have the effect of making one ponder: What would drive someone who is appearing to live the dream and has everything to live for to end it all? Of course that question is unanswerable, as we can’t get into another person’s head, particularly when they’re not around anymore to ask any questions. While I haven’t seen any statistics, based on what I’ve been witnessing I have a strong inkling that the suicide rate is on the rise. Now, I have often said that suicide is nothing more than a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have also said that it is the ultimate selfish act. Everybody has to deal with the consequences except, of course, you. But I can’t judge anyone who chooses to take that route. How can I? How can I when I, myself, am a suicide survivor?

    You know, even writing those words still sets off some alarm bells of shame in my head. That is what we have done with the discusssion of suicide in today’s society. We don’t talk about it. We ignore it, avoid it, stuff it way down deep. As a result, those of us who have walked in the valley of the shadow of death hardly ever bring it up because it’s a taboo subject. I think it’s time we started talking about it.

    The details of my particular story—what led to it, my ultimate decision to not go through with it and summon help before it was too late, etc.—aren’t really important to this discussion. It happened in 2007, after which I went through a brief period of hospitalization. It took me a long time but I was able to climb out of the valley. I’ve had some periods of slipping back over the years, but for the most part I’ve had steady progress. Make no mistake, I have rotten days from time to time, just like anyone else. But the good far outweighs the bad, and I don’t regret for one second my decision to choose life.

    And that’s the advice I’d give anyone who finds themselves staring into that deep dark place. Choose life. No matter how messed up things might seem, no matter how hopeless you might feel, there is hope. Even if you don’t feel any of it, hope is there. Reach out. Talk to someone. Nobody knows better than me how alone those feelings can make you feel, but you are not alone. Give your friends the chance to be true friends to you. If nothing else, call the suicide prevention hotline, 800-273-8255. They can hook you up with local resources that can help you get started on those first tentative steps out of the valley. My wife has a saying: As long as you are breathing there is hope.

    I’m not saying any of this will be easy. You might have to face some pretty tough things and have some very hard conversations. But I assure you, it’s worth it. Life is a precious gift, and it’s meant to be lived. As I said, I don’t regret my decision to choose life. I hope and pray more people choose to Do the same.

  • Some Thoughts on a Hard Subject

    As I write this, the death of Robin Williams has become by far the dominant subject of social media. It’s very sad, and he certainly will be missed. It’s certainly accurate to say he was a comic genius. But he was clearly also a troubled soul. To end it all as he has done is the ultimate tragedy. Suicide is a deed that can never be undone. His death, and the reactions surrounding it, have brought up lots of things for me. I’m going to try and put down some of my thoughts here. I can’t promise complete coherence, but I will try.

    While I can’t say I know what Robin Williams was going through, I do have at least a vague idea of what it feels like to do what he did. I know. I tried it myself. Back in October of 2007, I had pretty much reached the end of my tether. I believed that I had made an absolute mess of my whole life. I had alienated pretty much everyone I cared about, I hated my job more than I could put in words, and the icing on the cake was I had been evicted. So. On a lonely Saturday night, in a hotel room paid for with money I really did not have, I saw one viable option. In that time and place, I truly believed that everyone would be better off without me. So I swallowed the bulk of a large bottle of Tylenol PM, roughly sixty pills in all. Almost immediately, I snapped back to true reality. Luckily, I called 911 and was able to get help in time before any real permanent damage was done. I then went about the task of putting my life back together. It certainly hasn’t been easy, and I’ve had some bumps and setbacks along the road, but sitting here nearly seven years later, I can say the reconstruction project has been pretty successful. It’s a work in progress, of course, and I know the work will never be done.

    I have no idea what drove Robin Williams to end it all today. But I do wonder if he has ever attempted suicide before. I don’t know, but I suspect he has. Recently I heard a rather telling statistic. Nineteen of twenty people who attempt suicide fail the first time, but they are 37 times more likely to succeed the second time. There is still a huge stigma surrounding the subject of suicide. If some people encounter a suicide survivor such as myself, they will sometimes not say anything at all for fear of saying the wrong thing. What I can say is in the time immediately following my attempt the interactions that meant the most to me were the ones where people simply said hey, I’m here for you. Even more than that, it was very helpful to me to have people who have been there themselves share their experience with me. Some people truly believe that those who attempt suicide are just attention-seekers. I can’t deny that attention-seekers do exist, but I believe they are the minority. Sadly the stigma results in diminished resources for suicide survivors. There needs to be more of a discussion about suicide in our culture. It would go a long way toward reducing the isolation some suicide survivors feel, and almost certainly it would prevent at least some second and subsequent attempts. I for one am very glad I ultimately chose life, and it’s sad to me that Robin Williams will not have the chance to make that same choice.