I am currently reading meditations written by the theologian and monk Henri Nouwen. He’s been a favorite of mine for some time. He has a tendency to say more in a few words than many could in long, drawn-out treatises. This particular set of meditations I’m reading concern solitude and, coincidentally enough, that’s the subject of tonight’s musings.
Nouwen says we all need some solitude now and then, and I wholeheartedly agree with him. I do, however, have an issue with the terminology he actually uses. When he talks of solitude, he often uses the term “a lonely place”. For me, at least, the word lonely drags out some extremely negative baggage. It brings to mind Friday nights in the dorm when I was in college, when everyone was out and about doing this and that, and I was left sitting in my room, attempting to amuse myself in whatever way I could and to at least act like I was okay with it. It also brings to mind the times when I ate lunch at an empty table in the cafeteria at work, while loud animated conversations were going on all around me. Ultimately I started doing lunch at my desk. The bottom line is, the word lonely sends me to deep dark places, and I really don’t want to go there.
Once I got myself past the use of that dastardly word, however, it was easy to see the point he was making. When he spoke of a “lonely place”, he clearly wasn’t referring to a deep dark place of the soul. Rather, he was talking about a place of solitude, a place one can go to away from pressures and obligations. It doesn’t even have to be a physical place, although that would be good too. The important thing is, to use a modern term, to unplug from the regular hustle and bustle to pray, meditate, or do whatever possible to calm the inner self.
I readily admit I’m not very good at this type of exercise. I have good intentions, but way too often it’s practically impossible to put my brain in neutral. I know I’m hardly alone in this. Yet I am convinced that all of us would benefit immensely from some quiet contemplative time in our place of solitude, whatever shape that happens to take. So why is it so hard to do? Why is it so easy to get distracted by frivolities despite all the best-laid plans? I have a theory, and the more I think on it the more I think it completely fits in my case, at least. I think, when all is said and done, I’m afraid of that place. If I let myself to go to that place, it might require me to confront certain things I’d rather not deal with. Why wrestle with hard stuff when there’s that Buzzfeed article to read, or those DiceWorld games to play, or any number of other trivialities that take up time but don’t do much else in the long term? So long as I am otherwise occupied, my eye is off the ball, so to speak. Now, let me be clear here; there is nothing wrong with Buzzfeed or DiceWorld or anything else like them. Like most things in life, everything in moderation. My point is, once again, I suspect I’m not alone in my fear of the solitude place. On a daily basis it seems like most everyone I come in contact with is rushing hither, thither and yon, doing any number of things that really don’t amount to meaning much at the end of the day. And who can really blame anyone for doing this? Life is hard, often painfully so. What’s wrong with some harmless distractions? Well, nothing, really, as long as you don’t lose yourself in them. I speak from personal experience here. It’s way too easy to get so buried in distractions that you get hopelessly lost in them.
Clearly Nouwen struck a nerve in me. Perhaps I’m feeling convicted? Whatever the case, I clearly need to work more diligently to carve out time to visit my place of solitude. If I can do this and if others can do the same, I think there’s a lot of positive things that could be accomplished. But I still have a problem with the term lonely place, so I just won’t use it!
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Again, this is well articulated and you are not alone in feeling that solitude is a challenge, yet well worth the effort when we attempt it. For me it’s like renewal and gives me peace, even if I spend only five minutes to be quiet.